hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize