wakey wakey hands off snakey
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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