NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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