guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize