I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
