Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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