ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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