I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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