I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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