I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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