The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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