we're blogging at a bar
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize