walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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