based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Houston, we have a blender
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
