Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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