I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
