you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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