who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
