You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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