What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
