wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
