Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
