Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
