i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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