I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
