dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I love having hate sex.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
