Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
