Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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