oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's shark week go big or go home
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
