Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
