I seem to have left my pride at pride
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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