Duck Duck Cougar?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
