So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
