Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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