put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
