You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
