How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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