she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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