i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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