I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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