Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
