I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
