Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
