Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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