he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
