I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I didn't notice because vodka
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
