When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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