my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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