I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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