Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize