yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
