literally had 100 drinks last night.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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