I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
