1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
