i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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