my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
