Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
