there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The air was thick with penises
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
