Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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