So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
