cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
