dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
