Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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