I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
