he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
