Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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