:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
