when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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