I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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