eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
