I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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