butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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