You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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