Your dad touched me again.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
