i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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