found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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