Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
