Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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