she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
