woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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