I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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