Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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