My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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