I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We need to get me chipped asap
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
